he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
