Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
