Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
