Just mADE A PArabola og urine
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
