i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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