maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
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She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
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My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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