I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
