I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize