Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
