Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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