he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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