I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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