I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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