Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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