Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
