Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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