She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
