i can't believe i had my finger in that
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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