Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
