dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
