she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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