so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
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I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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