So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
