hell yes lets make some ravioli
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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