i was born a porn star she said
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
