How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
