Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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