discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
