He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So vagazzling was a success
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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