oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
