similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
