I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
