Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
