I molested 6 butterflies tonight
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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