i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize