$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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