I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
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The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
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I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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