He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
