Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
