he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
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