I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
too bad you live with your parents still
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
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I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
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i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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