Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
