I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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