Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's never too late to be topless.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
