then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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