I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
