I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
