Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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