Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
