Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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