I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
