mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
