3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
