I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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