so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize