I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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