are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
