apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
