I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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