Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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