I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Randomize
