i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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