it was like having sex with a tree stump
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
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Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
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Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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