it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
