Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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