Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
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Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
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I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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