God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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