totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i've created a new STD.
Still dying that you shit outside
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
