In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
