Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
