Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
