i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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