I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she told me i tasted like america
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
