Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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