how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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