just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
