I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Drunk is not a location!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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