his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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