Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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