Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
