If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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