i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
