Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
